for Brian, Jose, Michelle, Diana & Nikki
Still it weighs on me—this life—but thank you, what now makes me attend to it. Even though my nostalgia for the future I lost persists. While I have today, I want tomorrow and when it comes, the day after it. Shall I continue to fill my ears with noise to distract me from the noise inside my head, or do I give myself over to it? No. It’s not the emptiness per se, but more the returning to it. The new apartment. As it was before I left. But what a day we had! We sang It’s such a perfect day. And yes, it was. Thank you. The open road, the orb of light around my waist, beautyberries, the trail of ferns, the choral delight of Happy birthday to you, the creek we dipped our toes in, my back flat on a dragon’s tongue, the sighting of zebras that made me abandon whatever it was I was trying to say about the 23rd psalm, the thump thump thump of the kick drum on a song titled Soft that made someone say, Consistency can be soft too. And you, this morning, thank you. It is so kind of you to send me pictures of clouds. This one named mammatus, that one asperatus, this one lenticular. How spectacular. To be so moved
to wish to be as needful as rain
as, far from us, everything remains
tinted with the colour of firestorms.