‍The company encourages you to resolve any problem or issue informally with the individuals involved. However, if you have a concern or experience a problem that affects you or your co-workers, we ask that you complete this form and return it to Human Resources within five days of the incident. The company will then provide you with a written response to your issue.

Please explain the events that occurred:

I held the dish sprayer in my right hand, a plate in my left. Miller said it all again after I told him never again. He stood with a smirk that was 50% "you can't be serious" and 50% "dare you." I was and I did. The other plates of leftover southwest avocado salad could wait.

Your next question should not be, "what did Miller actually say?" You all know that the "he said/she said" never goes in favor of "she." Especially if "she"has shorter hair and tattoos that her mother thinks are unbecoming (Goh et al., 2021). Your next question should be, "how did Miller ever get promoted to assistant manager in the first place?" This is all about your ignoring a pattern of a man's behavior. It wasn't the first time. I wasn't the only waitress.

Where did the specific event occur?

The dishwashing station in the kitchen of the Perkins Family Restaurant in Bismark, North Dakota. The Perkins on the corner of Ivey Ave and the Expressway, not the one up off I-94. Read the reviews for the I-94 location and you'll think that customer service is a lost art. You'll also wait forever for your food, especially if it's late night (Littlebird-Geaureu, 2024).

There are people who love the Expressway location. Happy families come together for holiday meals. Even though the handicap parking is on the wrong side of the parking lot.Delivery pickup is more important to management, apparently (Linscott, 2024). I wish I could disagree.

How did you react to the situation?

I told everyone that I was fine. I had tables to check out. I presented as annoyed that anyone had made a big deal out of it. The cook in particular, who ran from the walk-in to check on me. It was just water. Miller was now 100% clear on where I stood. He had no excuse for not understanding boundaries. You can't reason with animals. It's about immediate feedback. My cousins own rodeo bulls. They know bull behavior is driven by breeding and habituation (Nelson, 2012, Goldhawk, Grandin, Pajor, 2021). Not performance reviews.

The cook was distracted and left a top sirloin on the grille too long. The table wanted it medium rare. They wanted their money back. Customers will always find always something petty to complain about. Charlie takes too long to break out separate checks. Lee Ann laughs loudly. Tina uses 'profane language' within ear shot of customers. Barbara's voice ends in uncertainty. These are real complaints about my former co-workers. If you only knew the trouble they went through to get everything out on time.  

Miller had been asking for this sort of slap back for months. No one would have pinned it on me to play that part. My mother's always telling friends that "Christine is too polite to send her Starbucks order back when they make it with cream instead of soy milk." It takes weeks of a new waitress saying hello to get me to chat. I am shy with my therapist. I'm not sure why I thought waiting tables would be a good job. The cook once asked if I saw myself as an actress on a restaurant stage, building a character (Stanislavski, 1948). Maybe therapy has reshaped my personality (Roberts, 2017). Maybe I needed the money. Maybe all of the above.

My advisor's letter of recommendation for the master's program in experimental psychology recognized that I am detail-oriented, analytical, captivated by the patterns of human life. It's true. I always remember what my tables ordered, even weeks later. Even now. Any good waitress should be aware of when the popular entrees were about to get 86'd. Get the last grilled salmon in for the two-top just sat. My regulars never had to say anything. They nodded hello and continued reading their newspaper. Win-win.

For the record, Miller screamed loud enough for everyone in the dining room to hear. He didn't come back to work for three days.

Did you take any action to stop perceived inappropriate behavior?

Is this question an exercise in victim-blaming where you are seeking evidence as a means of assuring the other waitresses at Perkins that they are not vulnerable if their behavior is appropriate (Feldman, 2018) or your resolute insistence that Perkins is a fair and safe family company where such behavior is not possible and, therefore the victim is somehow at fault (Lerner & Miller, 1978)? Likely, both.

Miller's behavior has been ignored by every one of you in positions of authority for years. He calls waitresses "girls." He gives the best sections to ones he's wanting to sleep with. Charlie is stunning. She could be a model. She always got the good tables by the windows. Miller told Lee Ann last summer that he "wished he had big breasts." Miller said it was a joke about his own inability to balance a tray. That Lea Ann didn't have a problem, why should anyone else?

LeeAnn told me that she struggles with her weight after giving birth to twins and lacks confidence. Even as she presents as super outgoing. She's doesn't ever complain about Miller. She was always scheduled the nights that he works.

Charlie announced that she was taking classes to learn Spanish and didn't pick up any shifts over the holidays. She's engaged. A destination wedding in Cabo. Her fiancée is getting his MBA. He'll work for his family’s mortgage company, with offices across the Midwest. They'll move where his career take them. She doesn't need the job. She was working to keep busy.

Before the incident everyone was telling me to quit if Miller's comments bothered me. The cook's friend could connect me with a job downtown at Peacock Alley. They always needed good servers. Their dinner service makes far better tips. I wasn't going to give up a job because of a misogynist. That would empower his behavior. Tips at Perkins were fine. I could walk down the street from my apartment if my car wasn't starting. Even in the cold. Also, Peacock is also owned by a philandering asshole (Vesploogie, 2018). Everyone has reasons for staying at Perkins.

For the record, staying in a job with a harassing boss is not evidence that the harassment isn't serious. It's evidence of your complicity in perpetuating environments where men like Miller thrive (Fernando and Prasad, 2018).  

Charlie sent me a wedding invite. I'm sure it was out of obligation, for my covering her shifts. She always wants to be seen doing the right thing. She must figure I don't have the money. That I won't make the trip.

Describe the harm you have suffered as a result of the event:

I was tired of pretending it was fine. It wasn't fine. This sort of shit is exhausting (Wizner, et al., 2022). It was easier to quit and move to Minneapolis. The grad program had mid-year openings. I broke it off with the cook. We had been dating casually even as he probably had ideas of engagement if and when he got his act together and graduated after doing the on-and-off again seven-year plan.

The cook and I shared a Psychology major. Met in Psych 406, long before dating. He had switched to History. A contributing factor to his delayed graduation. A whole new set of requirements. He's applying the rubric of explaining collective social behavior through the lens of childhood trauma (Circelli, 2018) into an examination of Revolutionary War-era social violence and current political discourse. He believes mob-driven tar and feathering and viral social media shaming are two branches of the same tree (Sawaoka and Benoit, 2018). All I wanted was regular sex and the occasional escapist movie date. He was always asking how I was feeling and wanted to meet my family. It was never going to work.

My graduate program requires 100% focus. I don't want a roommate. I don't need a serious relationship. My mentored research project is one thing I can control. I don't expect anyone else to understand. What other careers so desperately depend on getting published?

Everyone is always asking how I am feeling. Is there a need to understand my motivation and backstory? Or just being polite? What if my answer is, "anxious and festering?" Would anyone help me fit all the pieces back together? Likely not. No one wants to be associated with all of this Perkins Family drama (Goffman, 1963). Even if the cook says otherwise.

My mother ran into the cook at Target a few weeks ago. He finally got his wish. She was waiting in line to exchange a suitcase with a bad wheel. She has travel plans with her new boyfriend. She used to come in the restaurant all the time, uninvited. I always sat her in the other waitress' sections. Standing behind her in line, the cook wasn't sure it was my mother. He would be back in the kitchen when she came in. He'd only seen her from a distance.

My mother surprises the cook by asking if he's the one from the restaurant. She'd heard we'd been dating. Talks about us in the third person like she's reading a script. Tells the cook that, "Mothers know their daughters. She wasn't surprised Christine broke it off," and that "the cook was such a good boyfriend to Christine. Hard-working and loyal despite all of Christine's issues." Her topper: "Christine's mother doesn't really hear from Christine often. Even after Christine's father died a few years ago. He was a troubled man. Christine is still so angry."

The cook was in line to exchange batteries incorrectly sized for his smoke detectors. He surely misses our impulsive sex play. My father's "illness" is not anything I am ever going to discuss. My mother wouldn't leave him alone. She tells him, "Christine is terrible with thank you notes. She failed to get together for her mother's birthday last fall. She'll likely move far away from Minneapolis after her program finishes. So selfish."

Who talks like that? Does "Christine's mother" not realize all of it might get back to "Christine," who remains friendly with the cook, Lea Ann and Tina? Particularly the oblivious bullshit excusing of "Christine's father." Maybe she's hoping that's exactly what happens. Maybe she can't handle her complicity in the shitty person her husband was. Maybe all of the above.

For the record, as shitty as you can allow yourself the idea of what a messed up father could have done to "his Christine." Apparently, "Christine's mother" never could. And still can't.

Were there any witnesses to this specific event? (If yes, please provide their names).

Of course it all happened when we were alone. Perhaps I should have seen it coming. And, yes, I am disgusted with myself most of all (Reid, 2018). There's still no excuse for what he did.

The cook was in the walk-in and ran over right after. He will remain anonymous lest you excavate his performance reviews for evidence that makes his testimony unreliable when in fact such shitty behavior drives a climate conducive to burnout and poor performance (Maran, et al, 2022). You'll dismiss his account as biased because of our dating. It was pretty much over before the incident. He was taking day shifts. Sex wasn't near anywhere as spontaneous with him waiting in the parking lot to pick me up after close, talking about weekend meal plans and laundry. The pressure to finish rolling silver and cash out quickly was stifling. There was one last double shift, late night weekend before I went back on Lexapro and my sex drive vanished. As to be expected with a number of SSRIs (LeWine, 2023). At this time, I don't need a man in my life, particularly one with such anxious attachment style tendencies (Ainsworth and Bell, 1970).

When it got slow, it was a thing for Miller to send the dishwasher home early so the waitresses stayed busy washing plates. Then he has to take new tables for himself. Which serves to inspire our gratitude for his help and insecurity about needing it. Set himself up as the hero to get your defenses down. Tina was alone on the floor running her six top. The day manager had left at five. Miller always pulls this sort of shit after the day manager leaves.

The real reason business at Perkins was down was because of the indie movie theater closing across the plaza. Dinner and a show used to be a thing, before iPhones ruined everything (Barrack, Barasch, Tamir, 2021). When the cook and I started sleeping together we'd go see the late run after closing. Do you ever get so lost in a film that you forget about mother's pleading voicemails and your own dirty laundry? It's liberating to re-live the emotional scenes. We'd go over the best lines while the credits ran. Insightful clinical role-play for everyone, including the audience around us still finishing their Junior Mints (Rønning and Børkly, 2019).

Is there any physical evidence that supports your complaint? If so, please describe or attach.  ‍

I finished washing off the other two southwest avocado salad plates before leaving. I rinsed and stacked them like we're supposed to.

Tina said Miller took off his wet shirt and ran out immediately in his junior college basketball team jacket, nothing on underneath. Miller always wears his old gear.Look it up and you'll see he never played. Left the team his second year. Doesn't stop him from telling everyone that he had scholarship offers before a knee injury. Made the mistake of telling Lea Ann that his injury was from a car accident two years after he quit. If he's lying about basketball what else is untruthful? Men like Miller forget waitresses compare notes, particularly LeaAnn and Tina, who always ask me for relationship advice and encouraged me to get into counseling. Everyone thinks having a therapist friend will save them money. They have no idea.  

Miller failed to run the credit card from the four-top in the front that he was taking care of. The table gave Tina a hard time when she finally cashed them out. Left a one-star review without knowing any of the backstory (Tormoehlen, 2024).

Here's a truth about the restaurant game (not just Perkins) — servers always blame chaos backstage in the kitchen for their shitty service, even when they were out smoking and letting the sirloin tips sit under heat lamps. Those lamps are useless. Also, the 10-second rule is applied at least twice on a busy Saturday night. And it's a 20-second rule. Or a whatever seconds needed rule. Even at the nicest restaurants. You think a well-done filet that's been on for 11minutes is getting re-made? Brush it off and replate. Throw some extra fries on the plate. Drown it in au jus. The customer was asking for a shoe sole. They ordered a filet well-done.

This question is itself an example of how expectations of physical evidence for asexual assault crime is a reflection of a property-centric approach that diminishes the credibility of female accusers. Less than one in three assaults are reported each year. Some studies say 5% (Passmore, 2023). This sort of dynamic makes it impossible to gain restorative justice. People are trained to never question the man in charge. Even when he's doing shitty things right in front of them.

Miller's verbal harassment was surely headed toward assault, if not that night than soon enough (Patrick, 2016). Is that behavior management wants to look past? Willful ignorance is responsible for men in positions of authority exhibiting intent to touch a woman, without consent. Who knew what they were doing was wrong. Even when I wanted him to stop. What more do we need to hold a man accountable? Why does everyone look the other way? (Hoefnagels and Zwikker, 2001)  

Root cause of the incident:

Being raised by a damaged father and a mother who was too afraid of conflict to leave. Now that dysfunction is passed on (Hendricksen, 2017).

The cook told me he went to high school with Miller. Two years behind. Miller was a star basketball player. Never had to answer for anything he did. Miller and a teammate once shoved a sophomore named Chris Davis into a locker and doused him with cologne. It was only second period. Chris had to go through the day smelling like Drakkar Noir. "Boys will be boys," was all Coach Seaver could say about that.  

Toxic masculinity is learned behavior. Man hands misery down to man (Larkin, 1971).

Also, a culture of movies that treat women as objects (Mulvey, 1973). Our presidents treat women as objects (Nelson, 2016). The sideline presence of cheerleaders at football games that teaches everyone in Bis/Man at an early age that women are merely pretty decorations to be admired (Mijatov, et al., 2020). Like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue (Weaving, 2016). Miller's grandmother probably gave him a subscription when he was in middle school. He surely had the covers hanging in his locker.  

I heard Connie Chung tell a story on a podcast (Torre, 2024) that Dan Rather had in his contract that only he (never Connie) could say "good evening and welcome to the CBS Evening News" when they were co-hosting. Even if he was absent. Eugene McCarthy tried to kiss her after a dinner she thought was an interview. Jimmy Carter rubbed his leg on hers under the table at a conference. Yes, even the "good guys." Why is that so surprising?

Not to mention self-objectification of all the models, influencers and actresses who take this sort of attention as flattery (McKay, 2013). So many pretty women wanting to get on television and in movies. The ones who play the game get the parts (Nathan, 2011).

My mother loved, loved, loved Dan Rather. She always believes it's the pretty actress' fault. Sally Field? Burt was her true love. Gwyneth Paltrow? Chris is such a lovely singer. Bridgette Moynihan is the latest. Even though she watches Blue Bloods religiously. Tom was surely tricked by Bridgette into getting her pregnant.

This is what I'm up against.

What is your desired outcome of the investigation?

My therapist keeps me asking about my ideal end states. Says that avoidance can only take me so far. As if he doesn't know he's hot. As if any of this is my choice (Higgins, 1997).

If you all really want to know about my feelings, use your imagination. I'd prefer they be invisible (Field, 2024). If you are asking about more tangible outcomes, the very existence of this form indicates a minimizing, legal-driven approach that's seeking to avoid getting sued (Barmes, 2023). As well as presenting a high level of Social Dominance Orientation that predicts a lack of sympathy toward claims of harassment and inequality (Cheng, et al., 2024). God forbid you all give a shit about what happens to young women when a man in charge has such a dangerous mix of selfishness, manipulativeness and lack of empathy manifests such a toxic atmosphere.

It would be appropriate for Miller to be fired immediately. If he sticks around, no good waitresses will want to "join the Perkins family" (Ortiz, 2024). The quality of service will plummet. If you put him through one of those training seminars he will bullshit his way through it. Why is it so hard to see that separating from him won't hurt as much as you think?

You could offer to hire me back. I know the menu from memory and am a stickler for the details of its presentation. My program has a remote counseling track for the final semester. I admit the likelihood is that I'll never move back to Bis/Man. My mother will say that I'll pull a geographic (Bill W., 1952) and head somewhere warmer, faraway from her insistence that "Christine needs to let go of her anger." At the very least the other waitresses would know corporate management had their back. For once.

Follow-Up Actions (Track any corrective actions implemented and their effectiveness in preventing similar incidents, as well as the outcomes of investigations or litigation):

LeaAnn told me Miller was auditioning a few weeks ago across the river in Mandan at a different restaurant. He'll bring his basketball stories and jokes that are not jokes to a new audience. They'll find him charming at first. They always do. Sympathy for the devil, apparently (Richards and Jaggar, 1968). Know that Miller is merely testing and probing boundaries (Patrick, 2017). Wait a few weeks and you'll be able to recruit any of their waitresses. They'll jump at the chance to get away from him.

My mother ate at Perkins last Friday with her new boyfriend. They sat by the window. Lea Ann asked the cook if it was Christine's mother. Since Target he recognizes her easily. The boyfriend presents as older. Not particularly memorable looking. He also loves football. He is taking my mother to a Vikings game that weekend. He tells Lea Ann that the right attitude is the way to get ahead. He appreciates a young woman who smiles in the face of hard work. Who doesn't blame others. He told her that "opportunity is the American word for obstacles". It's his favorite saying.

Miller was working. Lea Ann told him it was my mother. He comped the table desert. If that's not his apology, I'm not sure what else you need. He then "accidentally" rubbed against Lea Ann in the freezer when she asked him to help get a new box of lemon meringue pie from the top shelf.

My mother made sure to thank him on the way out. Was she fooled the way everyone else was? Was she afraid of him? Did she figure that someone else would say something? (Latane and Darley, 1970). How could she not see the shitty behavior right in the next room?

My therapist is always interrupting to ask about my mother's new boyfriend. Was I uncomfortable when he came to lunch with her before the Vikings game? Do I think they might get married? Does seeing her happiness with him bother me? Does the new boyfriend remind me of my father? So many questions getting in the way of what I want to talk about.

I will admit to being disappointed. Lea Ann tells me that she didn't get a wedding invitation from Charlie. Neither did any of the other girls. Then again, I'm not surprised. They never stuck up for her when you all didn't believe she was home sick. We can be so mean to each other (Parks-Stamm et al., 2008).

I don't really have the money. I won't know anybody at the wedding except for Charlie. She'll be busy with bride prep and doesn't care anymore about Perkins, if she ever did. Her bridesmaids will all be focused on curating their reels. Nobody will ask how I'm feeling.

For the record, not caring will be the nicest thing any of them could do (Kennedy and Prock, 2016). I'll begin to bubble in ways no one in Bis/Man would recognize. Late light overlooking the Pacific. Perfect complexions, no filters. Everyone at the ceremony will like me just fine.

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