Translated from French by Eponine Howarth.

Three extracts from Mille millilitres de Ganymède ou les cinq ou six trous du monde: une histoire d’addiction et d’homosexualité by Philippe Savet (Le Nouvel Attila, 2026).

I am tied to an electricity pole at the side of a
country road
EXTERIOR – NIGHT
a halo of light marks out the space I have left
the scene of an accident
a vanishing point

 but towards what horizon

I am betrayed by the trees I had made the inventory of
48°52’48.812’’ N 2°22’54.041’’ E
a hunting trial
if the body can stand upright it cannot vanish
I hold my ground – the light is blinding but my fear
overshadows everything

a car comes to a halt
a man gets out and walks towards me I say a man
but it’s
something else
he needs me to push his car to the far end
of the parking lot
blind I bump into exhaust pipes
with my hands and feet bound it’s a real ordeal
I’m the only one who knows my fate but my eyes are
failing me

at the far end of the parking lot the man has vanished
at my feet a bottle of detergent DANGER!

IN CASE OF CONTACT WITH EYES rinse with water
for several minutes remove contact lenses
if the victim is wearing them and if they can be easily
removed keep rinsing

no one’s stopping me from swallowing

I open the doors to a kingdom that’s entirely grey to which I
have no keys
my finger’s cut off but I’m not bleeding
it’s hailing all around but not on me
I made the connection straight away: I’m swimming in sheer delirium
just like on the log when I was waiting for the lift
a performance spanning several years that comes back like a boomerang

and the parties keep me from feeling the sorrow

here I am now in a hotel room near an
airport
from the window I can see the planes
I can hear the roar of the planes
like a wave flattening the sand until
KNOCK OUT

the man in the car tells me to stay and sleep
he puts his hands on my face makes me drink water from the
can
he asks me what I expect of him
he expects nothing of me
he climbs onto my bed it’s my bed now it’s no longer
a hotel
he clings to the curtains
crouching down he shits into a vase and makes me lick it
outside it’s a real heavy metal concert

I wake up
the sheet is on the floor
‍

my ankles
he grabs my ankles pulls me out of bed drags me across the
floor
I remember
I can’t
SCREAM
a whisper stuck in my chest
unable to struggle I move away from the garden of the
house
between his claws
I disappear

his name
I know neither his name nor his face
I remember a storm a flash of lightning
the thunderclap

and the more I dig the more it hurts my hands swell I don’t
recognise them
it is not earth but clots of blood left there
for many years
trampled upon covered smouldering
with ashes dead leaves heaps of flesh
faces of me as a child a child who does not yet know and
hair milk teeth scabs excrement

and I start again at my own expense
and I tear through the sea in search of it
I take I throw I drink
and I dive in search of a message
deep within my own belly torn apart by the
weapons of silence

and I see sand I see eggs water that’s hard and
calcareous
but his message
I

but his message

I don’t know

all that’s left is a bite mark behind my right
ear
a face distorted by sweat and acidity
the throat and the mouth
the feeling of having in the space of a few hours
won everything lost everything

but his name
‍

I’m on the train
I’m heading back to Paris
there are no delays

carriage 18 seat 99
9 + 9 makes 18
it’s 18 july 2018 it’s 18:38

I’m drawing a boy who doesn’t desire me

in the book of angels the number 18 signifies the end of a
cycle
the number 8 signifies abundance and prosperity

something better is coming to replace what’s been lost
the endless loops symbolise the infinite flow of everything that
you need

the angels are instilling courage in me but I don’t feel it
I’m supported by the forces of the Universe
do you believe in that
I don’t

       and if everything had gone to plan

    I was supposed to go via Rome to photograph
          the streets where you grew up

I had my ticket

I had no other plans that summer
                      I even missed that
    if you no longer have any desire then I’ll leave
                      tomorrow or
            the day after tomorrow or
            the day after that or
            maybe I’ll stay

have I always been this mediocre
‍