iv.

back & forth i traveled, just to be near,
after i was discharged & returned home.
my darting eyes watched the camera for signs
of life: the pulse of your tiny chest,
blinking eyes, clenching fists—any minute
detail i could drink in, as i waited
in suspense, longing to welcome you home.
yellowed by jaundice—which i mistook for
honey-brown skin—you remained quiet &
completive, pooled shadows in your eyes,
too astute for any newborn. refusing the binky—
so unlike your Ate—you declared your
personhood, stubbornness, & willfulness
from the start, staking claim to survival.  
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